One of the unfortunate parts of depression is not knowing when it's going to hit. It can sneak up on you and let the wind out of your sails before you're even aware it's happening. No amount of reason can chase it away, logic does nothing to fight it. At the same time, the depression sets in almost like a blanket, creating something both sad and comforting. It can cause you to crawl inside your shell and hide from the world for a while, but at the same time, calm the anxiety that exists below the surface. Like the mental equivalent of a cigarette. Or at least, what I imagine the effect of a cigarette is. It'll drift away as stealthily as it arrived, leaving things mostly the way they were. It's easier to wax poetic than to fight it. Rising like a phoenix back out of the embers when it has had time to pass.
This too shall pass. I find comfort in those words. It's enough.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
Workout Journal (1)
(I'm experimenting with keeping a journal of my effort to get back into shape. If this helps I may do it more, if not, it'll disappear)
Today was day five of my foray into the P90X workout. I've tried twice before but both attempts floundered after a couple days. Sadly, this is the farthest I've made it into the 90 day intensive workout. Obviously it's too early to be seeing weight change or any substantial muscle gain, but I already have an increased stamina and increased energy just from the five days I've done so far. The Ab Ripper is done 3 times a week (mon, wed, fri) and today I was able to do more than either mon or wed. Also I'm not as winded after warmups and moving into the workout proper.
A couple times now my adrenaline has kicked in and I've almost felt like I did back in high school (I was super fit, played baseball for nine years, worked out 5 days a week, had 6-pack (I know, where'd it go, right?)).
One big change this time around is my motivation to actually work out. Being unemployed (happily at the moment) has its advantages, one of which being the open schedule that really allows me to spend quality time on an assortment of activities.
This added ability to focus has me actually looking forward to my daily workout.
The next big step is the nutrition part. I'm working on putting this in motion, but it can get pretty expensive buying all sorts of different meats, ingredients, vegetables, etc. Also, I've (sadly) eaten like a middle schooler whose parents are out of town for the last few years now.
Changes!
I'm now getting to where I'll be counting reps during the workouts and weighing in every week to start measuring results. I don't expect weight loss too quickly, but I'll be honest, I can't wait to see the first marked drop.
Anyhoo, stay tuned for what will hopefully be a great life change.
Today was day five of my foray into the P90X workout. I've tried twice before but both attempts floundered after a couple days. Sadly, this is the farthest I've made it into the 90 day intensive workout. Obviously it's too early to be seeing weight change or any substantial muscle gain, but I already have an increased stamina and increased energy just from the five days I've done so far. The Ab Ripper is done 3 times a week (mon, wed, fri) and today I was able to do more than either mon or wed. Also I'm not as winded after warmups and moving into the workout proper.
A couple times now my adrenaline has kicked in and I've almost felt like I did back in high school (I was super fit, played baseball for nine years, worked out 5 days a week, had 6-pack (I know, where'd it go, right?)).
One big change this time around is my motivation to actually work out. Being unemployed (happily at the moment) has its advantages, one of which being the open schedule that really allows me to spend quality time on an assortment of activities.
This added ability to focus has me actually looking forward to my daily workout.
The next big step is the nutrition part. I'm working on putting this in motion, but it can get pretty expensive buying all sorts of different meats, ingredients, vegetables, etc. Also, I've (sadly) eaten like a middle schooler whose parents are out of town for the last few years now.
Changes!
I'm now getting to where I'll be counting reps during the workouts and weighing in every week to start measuring results. I don't expect weight loss too quickly, but I'll be honest, I can't wait to see the first marked drop.
Anyhoo, stay tuned for what will hopefully be a great life change.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Round and Round we go
Just a small update today, something of a journal entry I suppose. I read a fantastic article/interview by Neil Gaiman about Stephen King. It's a great read, and I highly suggest reading it if you are a fan of either author, or just of writing in general. I always find it fascinating to get a glimpse into the methods of the people I admire. Another example would be the 4th Panel videos that Penny Arcade puts up about their comic-writing process. Another would be the oft rambling but always amusing blog of Patrick Rothfuss (author of The Name of the Wind, and all around wonderful geeky human being).
It was during the reading of the Stephen King piece that I found the tiniest of morsels. This morsel contained a whisper of inspiration, advising me to write again. I've mentioned before a story that I have made a number of attempts to write. I think you'll find it not in the least bit surprising that I yet again lost steam and let the story sit unfinished.
I find myself having an abundance of free time these days (thank you job market) and with this little inspiration stuck in my brain, have decided that I will finish my story before going off to Eastern Washington University in the fall. I plan to write (at least) a single page every day, whether it's good writing or the antithesis thereof, and seeing as how I've roughly 4.5 months until I leave, that gives me ample time to write approximately 135 manuscript pages, more than enough for a short story. I am excited to try and finally get this story out of my head where it's been residing for a couple years now. I'm excited to share the place and people with you and others. I hope that I won't find myself writing yet again about how I let the story dissipate, because I feel that if I don't get it out somehow, it might disappear altogether.
It was during the reading of the Stephen King piece that I found the tiniest of morsels. This morsel contained a whisper of inspiration, advising me to write again. I've mentioned before a story that I have made a number of attempts to write. I think you'll find it not in the least bit surprising that I yet again lost steam and let the story sit unfinished.
I find myself having an abundance of free time these days (thank you job market) and with this little inspiration stuck in my brain, have decided that I will finish my story before going off to Eastern Washington University in the fall. I plan to write (at least) a single page every day, whether it's good writing or the antithesis thereof, and seeing as how I've roughly 4.5 months until I leave, that gives me ample time to write approximately 135 manuscript pages, more than enough for a short story. I am excited to try and finally get this story out of my head where it's been residing for a couple years now. I'm excited to share the place and people with you and others. I hope that I won't find myself writing yet again about how I let the story dissipate, because I feel that if I don't get it out somehow, it might disappear altogether.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
A couple of Recommendations
I have been rather busy the last few weeks so the blog has been painfully neglected. I do have a bit to relay about my future plans, but that's for a later post. Tonight I decided to share some "stuff" that's making me happy at the moment.
I don't listen to the radio. I don't watch MTV. The way I acquire music is this: I look up a band on amazon that I am currently fond of, then I scroll down to the "people who bought this also bought-" section and I listen to samples of different albums until I find something I like. Using Modest Mouse as a template, I came upon Foster the People. I honestly have no idea whether or not they are popular or respected. All I do know, is I have been listening to track # 1 (Helena Beat) on repeat more than I have for any song since "Bleed" by Animal Collective. The structure of the song just gets me every time. I've heard it so many times now and yet it still manages to surprise me, if that makes any sense. I also dig the song "Pumped Up Kids" which, after doing some youtubing, I am assuming is one of the singles from this album. It's kind of an experimental album, but it almost sounds like somebody put words to dance music from a nightclub. I mean that in a good way.
I love discovering a group of work of which I had previously been unaware. One good example is the song of ice and fire series. I read the books before the HBO show was announced, but my roommate introduced me to it when there were already four books out for it. Getting to read those back to back with no idea what was going to happen was so enjoyable. Neil Gaiman has now fallen squarely into this same category. My first introduction to Gaiman was an offshoot of being a fan of Terry Pratchett. I picked up Good Omens because I love discworld, and I was excited to see what else pratchett could do. I honestly couldn't tell who wrote which parts of the book, but I enjoyed it all so I decided to give this Gaiman fella a chance and picked up "American Gods." It got off to a slow start for me, but I grew to love it. I loved the story, the setting, the characters, the voice, everything. The next on my list is Neverwhere. I just started reading it and already I'm enraptured by it. I read the first 70 pages in a sitting and I love where the story is going, every moment has been perfect. If somehow you, like me, have been in the dark about Gaiman, this is a good one to pick up.
Hugo is a movie for people who love movies. I don't want to take away any of the surprises so I'll leave it at that.
I'm sorry. I feel like a total bandwagoner, but my God Draw Something has its claws in me deep. I eagerly refresh my screen over and over waiting for it to be my turn again. I love it. My name is Dav3r5 if you want to add me and start a game.
Do it.
There's more, but I think that'll do for now. A more solid update is forthcoming.
I love discovering a group of work of which I had previously been unaware. One good example is the song of ice and fire series. I read the books before the HBO show was announced, but my roommate introduced me to it when there were already four books out for it. Getting to read those back to back with no idea what was going to happen was so enjoyable. Neil Gaiman has now fallen squarely into this same category. My first introduction to Gaiman was an offshoot of being a fan of Terry Pratchett. I picked up Good Omens because I love discworld, and I was excited to see what else pratchett could do. I honestly couldn't tell who wrote which parts of the book, but I enjoyed it all so I decided to give this Gaiman fella a chance and picked up "American Gods." It got off to a slow start for me, but I grew to love it. I loved the story, the setting, the characters, the voice, everything. The next on my list is Neverwhere. I just started reading it and already I'm enraptured by it. I read the first 70 pages in a sitting and I love where the story is going, every moment has been perfect. If somehow you, like me, have been in the dark about Gaiman, this is a good one to pick up.
Hugo is a movie for people who love movies. I don't want to take away any of the surprises so I'll leave it at that.
I'm sorry. I feel like a total bandwagoner, but my God Draw Something has its claws in me deep. I eagerly refresh my screen over and over waiting for it to be my turn again. I love it. My name is Dav3r5 if you want to add me and start a game.
Do it.
There's more, but I think that'll do for now. A more solid update is forthcoming.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
The Voices that Effect Us
One of my favorite things to do during a movie, tv show, or game, is it identify actors that I recognize and try to remember what other things I have seen them in. I'm working on my second playthrough of Mass Effect 3 and thought it might be fun to put together a little piece featuring the (mostly) awesome voice work that this series has brought us (To avoid a 30 page blog, I'm just focusing on the two voices of Shepard and more recognizable members of the cast) So without further ado, I bring you the Voices and Faces of Mass Effect 3:
The male version of Commander Shepard is voiced by Actor/Writer Mark Meer. While his live-action credits are mostly unknown to me, he is no stranger to Bioware games having voiced characters from Dragon Age I & II, Jade Empire, Neverwinter Nights, and Baldur's Gate II. I'll be honest, I prefer the voice acting of FemShep, so I haven't heard his voice as much, but I think he's at his best when Shepard is mad, as ridiculous as that may sound.
The Female version of Commander Shepard is voiced by Jennifer Hale, also not widely known for live-action roles, but a pretty big name in the voice acting community. Her work over the years includes Naomi Hunter in the Metal Gear Solid series, Samus Aran in Metroid Prime, Bastila Shan in Star Wars: Knights of the old Republic, and literally hundreds of assorted roles across video games and animated movies and tv shows. It's not surprising that her voice work is my preferred vehicle for Shepard.
Admiral Anderson is probably the first really recognizable voice in Mass Effect 3. He is voiced by Keith David, a long-career actor known for roles in Platoon, Crash, Pitch Black, and The Thing. I recognized his voice right off the bat, but I had to take to the internet before I placed it perfectly.
Now this voice I would know anywhere. Captain Bailey is voiced by the prolific Michael Hogan, better known to sci-fi enthusiasts as Saul Tigh from the epic series Battlestar Galactica. He is without question my favorite character in BSG, and because of that I always get excited when I see or hear him in another piece of media. He also voiced the leader of the Imperial Army in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.
Here we have another role furnished by talent from Battlestar Galactica, as EDI was voiced by Tricia Helfer. She is well known for playing the iconic Cylon from BSG, and her voice fits perfectly in the role of EDI.
Here we have another role filled by a sci-fi great as Admiral Steven Hackett was voice by Lance Henriksen. Henriksen is well known for his role as Bishop in Aliens and Alien 3, as well as roles in Terminator, Millenium and various other acting roles since the seventies.
Here we have possibly my favorite character in Mass Effect lore, the Illusive Man and who better to voice him than acting legend Martin Sheen. Unless you've been living without electricity for years, you should be well aware of who Martin Sheen is, though I will say my favorite roles of his are in The Departed and West Wing. He is also partially to blame for bringing Charlie Sheen into the world which could be a good or bad thing depending on your opinion.
The beautiful Miranda Lawson is voiced by the equally beautiful Yvonne Strahovski. I always like when video game characters are made to look like their real-life counterparts which you can see is the case here. Strahovski is best known for playing Sarah Walker on the TV series "Chuck."
Ah Joker, the Dolorous Edd of Mass Effect. Regardless of the severity of the mission you just finished, Joker always has a great pun or piece of dry humor to lighten the mood. So naturally Seth Green was a great choice to play him. You should know who this is, but just in case, you would know him from playing Scott Evil in Austin Powers, the voice of Chris in Family Guy, or a number of comedies from the 90s, especially Can't Hardly Wait.
Resident bad-ass Aria T'Loak is voiced by resident bad-ass Carrie-Anne Moss. Moss is most recognizable from playing Trinity in The Matrix series, but also had great roles in Memento, Suspect Zero and Chocolat. I loved this character and thought it would have been awesome to have her as a party member, but alas it just wasn't to be. Maybe in the DLC? C'mon Bioware.
This one surprised me the most out of the whole cast, as the 'roided out super soldier James Vega was played by 90's heartthrob Freddie Prinze jr. I've never been a big fan of his work but I enjoyed his character in this. You would recognize him from She's All that, I Know what you Did Last Summer, and the award winning murder-mystery classic, Scooby Doo.
While decidedly not a big role, I thought this was a very cool thing for Bioware to do. The bit part of Stargazer was voiced by Buzz Adlrin. If you don't know who that is, you should probably enroll in a couple general-knowledge classes, as he was the second man to walk on the moon in the Apollo 11 program. It's a great nod for a sci-f epic to make, and I liked it.
There are more characters and actors of course but this already took about three hours to complete so I'll stop here. Let me know if this is something you liked and maybe I can do it again with a little more depth and structure.
Commander Shepard (Male)
The male version of Commander Shepard is voiced by Actor/Writer Mark Meer. While his live-action credits are mostly unknown to me, he is no stranger to Bioware games having voiced characters from Dragon Age I & II, Jade Empire, Neverwinter Nights, and Baldur's Gate II. I'll be honest, I prefer the voice acting of FemShep, so I haven't heard his voice as much, but I think he's at his best when Shepard is mad, as ridiculous as that may sound.
Commander Shepherd (Female)
Admiral Anderson
Captain Bailey
EDI
Here we have another role furnished by talent from Battlestar Galactica, as EDI was voiced by Tricia Helfer. She is well known for playing the iconic Cylon from BSG, and her voice fits perfectly in the role of EDI.
Admiral Hackett
Illusive Man
Miranda Lawson
The beautiful Miranda Lawson is voiced by the equally beautiful Yvonne Strahovski. I always like when video game characters are made to look like their real-life counterparts which you can see is the case here. Strahovski is best known for playing Sarah Walker on the TV series "Chuck."
Jeff "Joker" Moreau
Aria T'Loak
Resident bad-ass Aria T'Loak is voiced by resident bad-ass Carrie-Anne Moss. Moss is most recognizable from playing Trinity in The Matrix series, but also had great roles in Memento, Suspect Zero and Chocolat. I loved this character and thought it would have been awesome to have her as a party member, but alas it just wasn't to be. Maybe in the DLC? C'mon Bioware.
James Vega
This one surprised me the most out of the whole cast, as the 'roided out super soldier James Vega was played by 90's heartthrob Freddie Prinze jr. I've never been a big fan of his work but I enjoyed his character in this. You would recognize him from She's All that, I Know what you Did Last Summer, and the award winning murder-mystery classic, Scooby Doo.
Stargazer
While decidedly not a big role, I thought this was a very cool thing for Bioware to do. The bit part of Stargazer was voiced by Buzz Adlrin. If you don't know who that is, you should probably enroll in a couple general-knowledge classes, as he was the second man to walk on the moon in the Apollo 11 program. It's a great nod for a sci-f epic to make, and I liked it.
There are more characters and actors of course but this already took about three hours to complete so I'll stop here. Let me know if this is something you liked and maybe I can do it again with a little more depth and structure.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
It doesn't matter *when* the last horse crosses the line
It's a strange feeling to experience an epiphany. You stroll along through life thinking or acting in a specific way, and then WHAM! Out of nowhere, the littlest thing can turn a little switch in your brain and your entire perspective can be altered.
I am very much of the opinion that we are shaped by the things we go through and how we react to them. It is odd then, that when looking back on past relationships I seem to just shrug them off with a "thank God I got out of that." But there is a flaw to that. Yes those relationships ended for good reasons, but to just act like they were a waste of time is silly. I had some genuinely great times with those girls and I want to start remembering them that way. Recognize them as being a part of who I am, and not a regretted time and place.
Already this slightly shifted perspective has been fairly cathartic. I'm focusing on realigning myself at the moment, and this has been a positive result of some of that effort. Being unemployed sucks, but at the same time it's giving me a chance to get to know myself and spend a little more time with friends. And hey, it doesn't matter *when* the last horse crosses the line, as long as the last horse *does* cross the line.
I am very much of the opinion that we are shaped by the things we go through and how we react to them. It is odd then, that when looking back on past relationships I seem to just shrug them off with a "thank God I got out of that." But there is a flaw to that. Yes those relationships ended for good reasons, but to just act like they were a waste of time is silly. I had some genuinely great times with those girls and I want to start remembering them that way. Recognize them as being a part of who I am, and not a regretted time and place.
Already this slightly shifted perspective has been fairly cathartic. I'm focusing on realigning myself at the moment, and this has been a positive result of some of that effort. Being unemployed sucks, but at the same time it's giving me a chance to get to know myself and spend a little more time with friends. And hey, it doesn't matter *when* the last horse crosses the line, as long as the last horse *does* cross the line.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
A Victory Nonetheless
I finally hit a stride with my writing. I haven't moved forward on my story yet but I've found a way to get the words flowing.
I heard about a situation an acquaintance went through, and after looking at it from different sides I decided it might make an interesting short narrative. So I sat down with no real structure in mind and started a guided free-write. I used the bare bones of the story and fleshed out the details and thoughts with my own personal ideas. I hit a good rhythm and before stopping to fix a spelling error, I had three solid pages of text.
It wasn't great work, and it may not have even been good. However, it helped forge a connection between my brain and the page. I'm going to make some other situational narratives and see if I can build some momentum, or even just get used to writing every day.
So far it's strictly recreational, and I have no desire to show them to anyone, but I do still think my story has an interesting setup, and maybe with some work it can be something I'm really proud of. I haven't been writing much in the way of music lately, so it's nice to have another vent with which to clear my head.
It's a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. Chapter 2 could be right around the corner.
I heard about a situation an acquaintance went through, and after looking at it from different sides I decided it might make an interesting short narrative. So I sat down with no real structure in mind and started a guided free-write. I used the bare bones of the story and fleshed out the details and thoughts with my own personal ideas. I hit a good rhythm and before stopping to fix a spelling error, I had three solid pages of text.
It wasn't great work, and it may not have even been good. However, it helped forge a connection between my brain and the page. I'm going to make some other situational narratives and see if I can build some momentum, or even just get used to writing every day.
So far it's strictly recreational, and I have no desire to show them to anyone, but I do still think my story has an interesting setup, and maybe with some work it can be something I'm really proud of. I haven't been writing much in the way of music lately, so it's nice to have another vent with which to clear my head.
It's a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. Chapter 2 could be right around the corner.
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